anaddictsmomma

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  • The immediate after

    This is out of order but it’s where my head went as I thought about what next to write. After Mark passed I recall an angel mom saying “it’s going to get worse”. My immediate thought was “What? it’s not possible to be worse than this” “she doesn’t know what she is talking about. What I said was “I can’t imagine worse than this”. She said, “when it happens please call-I’m here”. I said thanx still thinking it can’t be worse than this. I moved through the next 18 months half in a daze, screaming at God, crying, curled up…

  • family and The Family

    Mark had mad respect for me, his poppies, his poppa, his Godmother, and a few other family members. He and his poppies (my dad) were very close. When poppies died Mark was in a county jail (county jail is not the place to tell someone like Mark that kind of news) so I waited until he was in shock detention-I’m glad I waited. he took it hard. When his poppa died (my grandfather), my mom called Mark and I first, we lived 3 miles away. Mark had a lot of death in his young life. He “seemed” to handle it…

  • Friends and “friends”

    One set of Mark’s friends I will love forever. The other I feel only sadness and will pray for them. Mark’s Friends: they were his family/tribe. They stayed by his side. They were always there for him though sometimes they had to walk away to not enable his behavior but if he called for help they were there always. He loved them. They loved him-love him still. Mark’s “friends”: These would the people who would call him as he walked out of rehab or jail or the hospital after an overdose. Those people wanted money or someone to use with.…

  • “The weekend”-my view

    I was unaware of “the weekend” until much later in his addiction. But my thoughts went from “What?? NO!!!!!!” to “stupid kids” to “what should I have done differently”. All depends on the day. But after over 10 years since he passed and 8 years before that which was the started as “the weekend” I can say nothing should have been done differently on my end. My belief is everyone has their life is planned for them. “The weekend” was a weekend Mark went to hang with is best friend at college less than an hour away. (what could possibly…

  • Special Days

    As an addict mom (though my addict is an angel) holidays, birthdays, angelversaries,…) are difficult at best. When my son was in active use he would text or maybe call. When he was in recovery he would see me, take me to lunch, go to the beach for coffee,… And also we had a few years off and on where my Mother’s day was spent in jail visiting him (as awful as that sounds, I knew he was safe so not that awful). I guess the time in active use was the worst because He wasn’t allowed at family functions…

  • How things are viewed

    When you are an addict mom/parent you see things different. Simple things. Normal things will send you into panic mode. I will be talking about my “normal” things that relate to my son’s drug of choice. This section is difficult to write so I assume for many of you difficult to read. I remind myself, God has my baby and he is safe and that helps. TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!! Spoons: when you notice a spoon is missing (and yes, I would count them) your mind whips around-NO!!!!! Not again, this is not happening again, and you recount. You stand in front…

  • Addiction

    Definition: A chronic, relapsing, disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking, continued use despite harmful consequences, and long-lasting changes in the brain. Considered both a complex brain disorder and a mental illness.

  • The start?

    I guess to start I will talk about my favorite subject-my sonshine, Mark. Mark came into this life looking like an alien. Yep, I’m that mom. He was not all cute and cuddly. He was thin and long and looked like E.T. But he was mine. He was the light in my day, every day! Life was good. He grew into a funny, brilliant, energetic, and respectful young man. Mark loved life-until he didn’t. He was so happy until he wasn’t. Mark had a fear of disappointing people. He worked hard, was calm, funny, and relaxed most of the time.…

  • Hello World!

    Hello World!

    Where to start??? I never thought I would be, but I became an addict’s mom. Full title is Angel addict’s momma. I have decided to do this because my story, his story needs to be told even if I am the only one reading it. This will not be in order, polished, perfect,… but I am none of those things so there’s that. For anyone who can relate please don’t think you are alone. You are not!