anaddictsmomma

One set of Mark’s friends I will love forever. The other I feel only sadness and will pray for them.

Mark’s Friends: they were his family/tribe. They stayed by his side. They were always there for him though sometimes they had to walk away to not enable his behavior but if he called for help they were there always. He loved them. They loved him-love him still.

Mark’s “friends”: These would the people who would call him as he walked out of rehab or jail or the hospital after an overdose. Those people wanted money or someone to use with. the latter I feel sad about, they were living the same tragic life as my boy. I hated the dealers for a long time but there is no room in my heart for hate.

His real friends knew who he was. They knew he had a heart of gold, he was so funny, he cared, and this person he became was not who he truly was. In the deepest part of his addiction he stilled loved his tribe. When he relapsed, Mark felt disappointed in himself. Mark felt that often, I believe that was from his past and his step-father. (this is not about him the is about Mark and me).

A few things that creep up on me during rough days is how respectful Mark was. He respected his family and friends always. Even when his worst bouts of relapse he respected me/fought for me/fought for other to respect me. He stood up to anyone-no matter what. I will never find that level of honor for, me ever!!!!! It amazes me how someone who was hurting so bad, going through crazy pain, sickness, mental trauma, …. could still fight for others and his momma. I will be forever grateful. He was/is my number 1 and I was/am his. I love him infinity plus 1.