anaddictsmomma

I was unaware of “the weekend” until much later in his addiction. But my thoughts went from “What?? NO!!!!!!” to “stupid kids” to “what should I have done differently”. All depends on the day. But after over 10 years since he passed and 8 years before that which was the started as “the weekend” I can say nothing should have been done differently on my end. My belief is everyone has their life is planned for them.

“The weekend” was a weekend Mark went to hang with is best friend at college less than an hour away. (what could possibly go wrong?????) That weekend he tried/did Heroin. If not for that weekend was my thoughts. It was that weekend that changed the course of our lives, what I thought for years. But because of my strong beliefs, I can now say everything happens just the way it was supposed to.

I went through many different thoughts during the course of those 8 years of his addiction about why my kid, why me, why 8 years of hell-couldn’t 4 years have taught all that needed to be taught? Again, my faith and beliefs answered for me-NO it had to be what it was and it’s not for me to question. Now with that being said now I will say I screamed those questions often for many years. To say that I was a bit pissed with God was an understatement. He was my only son, my world, my light, my everything and to me I was being punished or taught a lesson, or I don’t know what but I was pissed, hurt, frustrated, so unbelievably sad, etc.

I feel like I should mention something here. To anyone who is struggling, I believe you can do this, I believe you are strong and can make it through. To parents, loved ones, or anyone who loves an addict-you too are strong and I believe in you too. I know you are mad, tired, sad,… Look for a group in your area, see a therapist, and please make sure you are taking care of you. I know how hard it is to do this believe me I do but you can’t do all this alone. I will say I am here with an ear if needed.

Heroin is one of those drugs that makes the user believe that it is the only thing that loves them. That isn’t something you can talk them out of believing most times. The frustration from the non-addict is real. This is very difficult to understand but to them it is real. You cannot in most cases love the addiction away.