anaddictsmomma

When you are an addict mom/parent you see things different. Simple things. Normal things will send you into panic mode. I will be talking about my “normal” things that relate to my son’s drug of choice. This section is difficult to write so I assume for many of you difficult to read. I remind myself, God has my baby and he is safe and that helps.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!

Spoons: when you notice a spoon is missing (and yes, I would count them) your mind whips around-NO!!!!! Not again, this is not happening again, and you recount. You stand in front of the drawer and beg to be wrong-but you aren’t-it’s happening again. To me a spoon is not just a spoon.

Cotton: when you see it, you know. And that fluffy cloud looking thing makes you cry or scream because you know it’s happening again. To me cotton is not just cotton.

Small amounts of blood on a shirt: I remember balling up the shirt and crying into it because yes, it was happening again.

Water bottle caps: they are everywhere, no one things twice about them. Well except if you love an addict. You will see them every time. And if you have been in the process of loving an addict for a bit of time, you get this sick feeling when you see them. Again, that feeling of heartbreak and shear fear.

A belt/seatbelt: Others see them for that they are-not me. I see them wrapped around my son’s arm. You see this once you never look at things the same way.

All of these things were horror to me and are now a reminder of the hell of this disease and that it stole my boy, my baby, my sonshine. It has gotten better over time, maybe even easier.